What I’ve Learned About Britain and Modern British Police Work by Watching BritBox
(I’d comment on American shows but why watch them when we have BritBox?)
Some cops’ entire job is to lift the yellow tape for detectives.
There are roughly 35 actors in Britain. At least three of them are in every show. And all of them were in Game of Thones, except Olivia Colman and Nicola Walker, presumably because they were busy appearing in every other show from 2011 to 2019.
When there is a murder in a small town, absolutely every police officer in the town is part of working the case, I assume to the exclusion of any other law enforcement activity.
A murder investigation of a suspect always includes a Dectective Chief Inspector (DCI) telling a room full of professional police officers to “check his social media, talk to his friends, find out where he works, what he does in his spare time… I want to know everything about this guy…” as if this is the first investigation any of them have ever been a part of.
And why is the DCI doing ANYTHING before checking the CCTV, which apparently covers every single move anyone in the country makes. Britain has a higher saturation(?) of CCTV cameras than America has guns and that’s saying something. The solved case rate ought to be about 99%.
The relatively few number of guns in Britain means most arrests are pretty civil affairs:
Petite police woman to burly rogue: “Alright, you’re under arrest!!”
Burley rogue: “Awww, you got me.”
On one hand, British cops have to release a suspect within 24-36 hours if they don’t have enough evidence to charge him; on the other hand, British cops just walk into suspects’ homes without a warrant like they’ve been invited over for tea.
It is never a bad time for tea. No one ever says, “No tea for me, it’s 9 p.m. and I need to sleep tonight.”
Tea fixes everything, from losing a football match to being the sole survivor of a plane crash. “Oh dear me, you’re bleeding out. Let me put a tourniquet on your arm and then I’ll fix us both a cuppa.”
In Britain, no one locks their cell phones or computers.
Most British towns are comprised of four square blocks of town and 200 square miles of farms.
Also, every British town has miles and miles of cliffs that drop hundreds of feet to rocky beaches.
Also, every house in Britain is 200 years old, and some literally are partly in the water, but they’re all maintenance-free.
Also, every house or farm in Britain overlooks the ocean.
No one gets to the Chief Superintendent rank without believing that his or her image with the public or politicians is far more important than good, honest police work.
If someone is in danger across town, the police walk from the office down to their car and then drive over to check it out. No one ever calls the potential victim and says, “You’re in danger! Get out of the house!”
The job of a solicitor (a defense lawyer) is to sit next to their client during interrogations and look vaguely concerned, occasionally nodding to the client that they can answer a question, and absolutely never ever speaking a word, no matter how abusive the interrogating officer becomes.
Some interrogation room recorders make a noise when you turn them on and off that sounds like a jail cell door getting ready to close and I think that’s on purpose.
Not every police department uses these types of recorders and I’m not sure why.
There isn’t a police officer or spy in all of Britain whose spouse understands the demands of the job.
And, finally, as with American TV, old men in decline seem to be catnip to attractive younger women.
Next: What I’ve Learned About English History from Watching BritBox…