A friend didn't die tonight

Tonight is a good night. I found out a friend didn’t die. 

A college buddy contacted me at 9:15 p.m. He’d just gotten the summer 2020 edition of our alumni magazine and, in the memorial section, he saw the name of a mutual friend who had reportedly died. 

My buddy reached out to me and, in my panic, I searched for any sign our friend was alive. I found an old email from him, so I  texted the mobile number in the signature. 

And… our friend answered. He isn’t dead. It was someone else (I guess?) with the same name. And we all thought the whole episode was hilarious. 

And it was hilarious. And it was a TREMENDOUS relief to find out that our friend was not dead.

But... (everyone’s got a big but, as Pee-Wee Herman famously said)...

He wasn’t dead yesterday either. Or the day before. Or the day before that. 

Yet, it was only when I consciously thought about the fact that, tonight, he wasn’t dead, that I felt the euphoria and relief and gratitude.

Not yesterday. Not the day before. Not the day before that.

As I’ve said before, and I’m experiencing right this now in another area of life, the shit eventually comes for all of us. Life is wonderful… except when it’s not.

But we don’t notice when life is wonderful. We don’t notice when a friend didn’t die. We only notice when a friend does die.

But when that happens, the friend who died… was alive the day before. And the day before that.

How many of your friends and family members didn’t die yesterday? Did you rejoice? Did you feel the euphoria? I didn’t. Until I realized, tonight, that I should have.

This is the shittiest summer of all summers of our lives. Some of our friends and family members have died. And we have grieved.

But on those days when one of our friends or family members didn’t die, but could have, but didn’t… did we feel the gratitude and joy of that victory? I didn’t. I’d like to think I will going forward. We’ll see.

As Samuel Johnson said, man needs to be reminded more than instructed. I may have mangled that - it’s 1 a.m. on a Friday on the porch. But I think I got the spirit right.

So here’s your reminder. Tonight is a good night.

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