Review: "The Lineup with Susan Mosher" is INCREDIBLE and I Always Win

Math problem: If you and I are in a room of 100 people where they are drawing for one door prize, what are the chances you will win the door prize?

Answer: A little better than 1 in 200.

Because there’s like a 1-in-2 chance I’m going to win it. If my kids Daniel and Madison are there with us, there’s even less of a chance you will win it, because one of the three of us is DEFINITELY going to win it.

OK, before you check my math, I know it’s not exactly right, but you get the point.

And the point is this: God likes us better than He likes you, and he shows that favor by awarding us door prizes.

Whether it’s a gift bag or a $100 scholarship or a free class ring or a $25 pre-paid credit card, if it’s a chance drawing and we are in the room, there’s really no chance anyone but me, Daniel or Madison will win it.

For example, on Tuesday night I went to The Lineup with Susie Mosher, variety / cabaret / comedy show running every other Tuesday at the fabled Birdland Jazz Club in New York City. It was AMAZING. Susie Mosher is a force of nature.

I love Martin Short, but after last night I now understand that Martin Short is a not-quite-as-rich-man’s Susie Mosher. She is a singing/joking dervish, and she assembled a murderer’s row of Broadway performers, including Michael Orland (the musical director on American Idol), Jarrod Spector, Diana DeGarmo, Kelli Barrett, Ace Young, Mykal Kilgore, Ricky Schroeder (not that Ricky Schroder), Daniel LeClaire, Dan Finnerty, Bobby Conte Thornton, and Squigs. I’m not the heppest cat on the scene, so I had never heard of these people. But look any of them up. You’ll see. Freaking amazing.

Even better, I was seated toward the back next to Susie’s charming wife, and a gentlemen with the last name Levine who I wish I could find on Facebook or LinkedIn – we had a great time.

As part of the show, Susie held a raffle for a mouse pad emblazoned with the name of the show and the line-up of performers.

Sadly for the very stylish and with-it audience, they could not know that God likes me better than them, and He has conferred upon me (and my progeny) the priceless gift of almost always winning the door prize.

Yes, yes, this crowd was chock-a-block with creative gifts. There were musicians and singers and songwriters and comedians and playwrights and producers. They are blessed with natural talent and the discipline to develop that talent to the rarified Broadway caliber.

But none of them were winning that mouse pad. Nope. That baby was going to the old, fat, bald guy from #RVA.

It’s not fair, but life isn’t fair, and I can’t help it if I was dealt a better hand.

In fact, I was so sure I’d win, I videoed the drawing, which you can inspect below. If you watch closely, you can see the hand of God Himself slip my raffle entry into Michael Orland’s grasp, and Orland doesn’t even realize it.

The video cuts off as I slipped the phone into my pocket to make my way through the crowd. When I reached the stage, Susie said, “Let’s get a look at you. Where are you from?” I said “Virginia” and, thank God (again), Susie didn’t go straight to a Northam/Herring/Fairfax joke. In fact, Susie called a solid audible and got me off the stage quickly, thus preserving the show’s perfection.

I’m not trying to brag or make everyone who isn’t me or Daniel or Madison feel bad because God doesn’t favor you as He undeniably favors us.

But you can do yourself a favor: if you are in NYC on a Tuesday night during the next few months, check out “The Lineup with Susie Mosher.” You probably won’t win the mouse pad, but you’ll have a GREAT time. That part is guaranteed.