It’s really hot! How hot is it??…

It’s hot in the mid-Atlantic this weekend. How hot is it? (I was going to edit this down to thegood ones, and then I thought: why start editing myself now? It’s also in order of creation, so you can see the decline in creativity…):

It’s hot out! How hot is it??

  • Forget sidewalks… it’s so hot that eggs are frying inside chickens.
  • It’s so hot that the Internets are getting soft, slowing down emails.
  • It’s so hot that Washington DC hot air exports are down 50%.
  • It’s so hot that ocean waves at Virginia Beach are refusing to come in, and are going out instead.
  • It’s so hot that your shower water is hot whether you want it that way or not.
  • It’s so hot that the Dos Equis guy… it’s just too damn hot to finish this one.
  • It’s so hot that August is pissed off.
  • It’s so hot that Rush Limbaugh has agreed to temporarily accept the theory of global warming for a week.
  • It’s so hot that the molten core of the earth is cooler than the surface.
  • It’s so hot that Stacy melted today before Jon Stewart’s show came on.
  • It’s so hot that the pool’s ten-feet well is now two feet.
  • It’s so hot that you have to turn your stove on high to cool off your tea water.
  • It’s so hot that Google Maps now offers “Satellite View,” “Map View,” and “God it’s hot.”
  • It’s so hot that the Weather Channel has gone into weather coverage freak-out mode. Although, to be fair, they do that no matter what the weather is.
  • It’s so hot that half the moon melted off – go outside and look!
  • It’s so hot that thousands of trial lawyers are suing God because the air spilled onto their clients’ laps.
  • It’s so hot that the song “Hot Hot Hot” has been renamed “Holy Crap it’s Hot”
  • It’s so hot that every Boy Scout in Virginia has automatically earned his fire-starter badge.
  • It’s so hot that Rachel Zane, the paralegal on “Suits,” is jealous of the weather.
  • It’s so hot that Donald Trump’s hair crawled off its head and dug a hole in the dirt to hide in.
  • It’s so hot that Charlie Sheen is calm.
  • It’s so hot that “HBO” has been renamed “HB Oh My God It Is So Freaking Hot”
  • It’s so hot that Jay Leno is going to do an “It’s so Hot” bit tonight. Watch it, you’ll see!
  • It’s so hot that fire hydrants are running through kids on city streets. See, that’s a reverse of what you’d expect. That’s how hot it is.
  • It’s so hot that Piers Morgan has become a jerk. Wait… getting an update here… no, it’s not because it’s hot.
  • It’s so hot that smart phones are refusing to leave the house. Because they’re smart.
  • It’s so hot that 16 people have been murdered for saying, “Hot enough for ya’?”
  • It’s so hot that Dante is writing a sequel.
  • It’s so hot that Hollywood is planning a new disaster movie. It’s going to be called “Today”.
  • It’s so hot that Facebook has crashed from so many people posting comments like, “It is so hot.”

.

One thought on “It’s really hot! How hot is it??…

  1. I just read this again, and I’m going to tell myself: Good job, Chuck. I think my favorite is: “It’s so hot that fire hydrants are running through kids on city streets. See, that’s a reverse of what you’d expect. That’s how hot it is.”

Comments are closed.