I took the kids to Busch Gardens over spring break. Madison brought a friend, and Daniel brought his cousin Christian. Being teenagers, they all had absolutely no interest in being seen around me, so the girls and the boys each took off in separate directions the minute we arrived in Jolly Olde Englande, leaving me to find things to do by myself all day. As a result, I am proud to present:
Top Ten Things to Do By Yourself at Busch Gardens while your Kids are Out Having Fun in the Park:
10. Ride a roller coaster next to strangers. Halfway through, fake a heart attack.
9. During the Octoberfest performance in the Festhaus, leap up on the stage and insist on performing a Riverdance.
8. Move the car from France 9 to France 13. When you come out to the parking lot at the end of the day, make a big show about the car being stolen. Ask the kids if they have enough money left to get a cab to Richmond.
7. Lay on the choo-choo ride’s railroad tracks and scream in a high-pitched voice: “Hey-yelp me! Hey-yelp me!!”
6. Ride the parking tram. All day.
5. Lay down on a bench outside the Festhaus with four or five beer cups around you and pretend to be passed out. Listen to comments. Don’t laugh.
4. Board the skyride with some strangers. As soon as the car lifts off from the station, break down into tears. Unintelligibly tell a heart-breaking story through sobs. As the car approaches the next station, begin to pull yourself together. By the time the nice Eastern European teenager working in that station pulls your car to a halt and lets you all out, be sunny and cheerful again. Smile and say goodbye to your car companions and walk off as if nothing had happened.
3. Nurse a beer in the pub at the Festhaus, and ask everyone who orders at the bar, “Come here often?”
2. On the Rhine River Boat Cruise, run to the front of the boat, stand on your tippy-toes with arms outstretched and yell, “I’m king of the world!!” Repeat on ten consecutive rides or until you are barred.
1. Throw a football into a Clydesdale’s stall. Yell “Throw it back!”.